I’d like to dedicate this post to my Aunt Sally’s memory.
When my hubby and I got married we had a very special dance during our reception. All the married couples came out on the floor, and then as the song continued to play they would be periodically eliminated based on how long they had been married. At the end, the longest married couple were asked for advice on how we newlyweds could have a successful marriage like theirs.
We were told to stay best friends throughout our partnership. Best friends, check. We had that one covered. We were already the annoying couple that actually enjoyed each others company and wanted to do life together.
Then my uncle, with his usual wit, said something that has really stuck with us over the years. “Marriage isn’t all peaches and cream, but it’s not all sour grapes either.”
This October we will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary which is still relatively young, but it is sad to think about how many marriages don’t even make it that long. I understand that there are a whole host of reasons why people get a divorce, but I believe one of the biggest is the concept my uncle warned us about…false expectations.
There can definitely be seasons where it feels like we’re getting more grapes than peaches, but that is the nature of life in general so why do we expect marriage to be an exception?
We have faced our fair share of tribulations in our marriage, and just like so many others the vision that we had for our partnership hasn’t gone as perfectly as planned. Jobs come and go, finances rise and fall, children are born while others pass away…these are the seasons we must weather.
These kinds of problems are often unavoidable, but the most dangerous thing we face is Satan attacking our marriages from within.
I know this is going to sound so unromantic, but when I was dating my husband and we decided to get married I didn’t think of him as “the one”. I merely came to a point where I loved enough things about him that I didn’t want to start over looking for someone better.
The fact is there will always be someone better. There will be another man who has strengths where my husband has weaknesses, but even that man will not be good enough because there will never be a man or woman who will be everything that you’ve ever wanted.
Remember the only perfect person in your marriage is Jesus. Give your spouse the freedom to be your partner, not your Saviour.
Over the years, instead of looking for better elsewhere, I have chosen to look at all the ways my husband has become even more perfect for me. Notice I didn’t say perfect, just perfect for me. We are continuing to let God weave us together so intricately that separating us would be painful. In fact if anything ever happened to him I’m not sure I’d be able to remarry. I truly can’t picture anyone else being a better fit.
So is our marriage peaches and cream or sour grapes? The honest answer is both. Sometimes you just have to put the two together and enjoy a fruit salad.